Radiant Parodies
by Adriannu255
Summary: This is a collection of one-shot parodies from Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn! Not meant to be taken seriously! AU, OOCness, slash, and spoilers! Read at your own risk...
1. Parody 1

Adriannu255: Okay, just to warn anyone bothering to read this, **this fic is not meant to be taken seriously! **This is a collection of one-shot parodies from Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn! I meant to type this months ago but…whatever… Enjoy!

**WARNING! Not meant to be taken seriously! Will contain crack and/or slash pairings and OOCness! Very much AU!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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**Radiant Parodies**

Parody 1: ADD and Magic Markers

Soren was sitting in his tent working very diligently on a strategy… Or so everyone in the camp thought… He sat completely still at his desk, simply staring at a map of Tellius. He thought about his latest strategy before his mind wondered to something else… He reached into his bag and pulled out a box of magic markers. He stared at these for a while, then a wicked smile spread across his face…

Later in the strategy tent…

"Soren…" Ike said looking at the map the young sage had just handed to him.

"Yes, Ike?" Soren responded smiling evilly.

"Why is there a river running directly through the Desert of Death?" Ike asked slowly, examining the bright blue line running right through the Desert of Death, dividing it in half.

"And why is there a giant crater where Sienne should be?" Titania asked in the same way, staring at the black, darkened in circle that covered Begnion's capital.

"And why does Daein suddenly have great forests surrounding its keep?" Ranulf was looking at Daein's region on the map noting forest green marks surrounding Nevassa.

"And why does Gallia looked like it's up in flames?!" Skrimir shouted angrily looking at the bright, shiny red marks that resembled flames around his homeland.

All three looked at Soren who continued to smile. "It's not my fault I have ADD and magic markers. I got bored coming up with all your strategies as my ADD has forced me to stay awake for over twenty four hours multiple times trying to finish strategies, so I decided it was time I gave you as much trouble as you've given me in the past. Have fun!" he called and then ran from the tent, laughing like Mad King Ashnard (hehe)!

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Adriannu255: Well, there's the first pointless parody! Please tell me what you think, but remember that this is not meant to be taken seriously!


	2. Parody 2

Adriannu255: Please don't ask how this came into my twisted mind! It's a long story from over a year ago…

Disclaimer: Same

**WARNING!! Major yaoi in this chapter!!!**

Note: **Bold text is the heron language!**

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Parody 2: I Love You!

"One of us will live…" Zelgius pointed Alondite at Ike, "…and one of us will die."

"Wait!" Ike said urgently. "Before we fight, there is something I must confess to you: I love you, Black Knight Zelgius!"

Zelgius lowered his sword, "You are so much like him…" he whispered. He then dropped his sword to the ground, "I love you, too, Ike!"

Ike dropped Ragnell on the ground as he and Zelgius began _making out_!

"Ike!" Mist screeched. "What are you doing?! He's the Black Knight; the man who killed Father!"

"And he is also the man responsible for the destruction of my homeland and people!" Tibarn yelled hovering next to Mist, glaring at the swordsman who ignored them.

**"Oh my…" **Leanne gasped as the kiss became more passionate, and she then passed out.

"I think I'm going to be sick…" Soren groaned putting a hand to his stomach and looking away.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding!" they heard a voice say from the doorway. A few turned and saw Sephiran staring at the lovers with a shocked and disgusted expression. "Why aren't you killing each other?!"

"Ikie-poo…" Aimee whimpered from another doorway. "You were supposed to love me!" She began crying her eyes out.

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Adriannu255: I am a total idiot for writing this, I know it! One of my friends suggested I continue this... She came up with an idea involving a wedding in thongs... Sorry if that disturbed anyone! Anyway, review...? I f anyone has suggestions for anymore parodies send them to me and I'll write them, and I will give you full credit!


	3. Parody 3

Adriannu255: Okay, I wasn't planning for this chapter to be this parody, but I figured I'd get this one done faster than the one I originally had planned. This one is completely AU, not taking part in any scene in the game. Instead the characters are in a modern day school. It was inspired by an idea my friend had for our collab story, but I don't think we'll be able to fit it in anywhere, so I'm using it here. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Same.

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Parody 3: You're WHAT?!

"Don't you think you're being a little over protective?"

"No, I don't!"

Ike sat by Makalov in his house, after having witnessed Makalov, in a rare moment of being sober, beat up Kieran for flirting with Marcia.

"Makalov, you broke his nose just because he likes your sister!" Ike said.

"I don't care!" Makalov retorted. "Nobody looks at my little sister that way and gets away with it! Ike, surely you can understand. What if somebody like Soren started flirting with Mist the same way Kieran flirted with Marcia?"

Silence.

"Hahahahah!!" Ike burst into laughter. "Soren flirting with Mist?!" He fell off the couch they sat on and rolled on the floor still laughing. "Soren flirting with _anyone_ is a sign of the apocalypse! Soren doesn't see anyone that way. I've known him since he was in kindergarten, so I know these things."

Makalov was about to reply when the door opened and Mist walked in closely followed by Soren. "Oh, Ike you're home already! Hey, Makalov!"

"Hey, Mist, Soren," both males said in unison, Makalov glancing at Ike briefly.

"Ike, is Mom home?" Mist asked. "I want to ask if Soren can stay for supper."

"She's upstairs," Ike said, nodding.

"Thanks!" She grabbed Soren's hand and he eagerly followed her upstairs.

"What do you make of that?" Makalov looked at Ike fully once the two had gotten out of earshot.

"Make of what?" Ike asked. "Mist is just being nice."

"I meant the Mist grabbing Soren's hand thing! When did that start?"

"It's nothing. I know that Soren would never start dating Mist. He told me himself that he sees Mist as a sister."

"Ike, they're only two years apart. I don't think he sees her that way now…"

"Oh, come on! Why don't you stay for supper and I'll prove that Soren isn't in any shape, form, or fashion attracted to my sister."

Later at supper…

"Mom, Dad, Ike," Mist said once everyone was almost done eating, "I've got something I need to tell you."

"What is it, angel?" Elena asked setting her fork down on her plate of spaghetti.

Gawain looked at his daughter and smiled. "Yes, sunshine?"

Makalov looked at Ike once again before continuing to eat.

"Well…" Mist paused for dramatic effect, before continuing, "Soren and I have started dating, and he has asked me to go to the Junior-Senior Prom this year!"

Elena, with a cheerful cry, jumped up and ran to where Soren and Mist sat next to each other and hugged both of them, Soren smiling happily, as well. "I'm so happy for you two! I need to get a picture for the scrapbook!" She ran upstairs to get her camera.

Gawain allowed a small smile to cross his face. "I'm proud for you, Mist. I completely approve of this. Treat her well, Soren."

"I will, sir," Soren smiled back at him.

Everyone's eyes locked on Ike who was blankly staring wide-eyed at the new couple. Makalov smirked at him knowing it was the calm before the storm.

"Well, I think I should go ahead and head home," Soren said, standing, obviously sensing the danger he was in. "Mom might get worried if I stay out too late."

"At least let me get a quick picture," Elena returned camera in hand.

She took the picture and Soren almost made it out of the danger zone…

"Soren…" Ike growled, standing up.

"Yes?" Soren smiled, backing away towards the door.

"You and Mist are _WHAT_?!" He leapt towards the younger boy, ready to kill.

Soren jumped out of reach. And ran outside with a shout of, "See you tomorrow, Mist!"

"_You won't be seeing her tomorrow because you are dead_!" Ike shouted running after him.

"Ike!" Mist yelled, running to stop her brother.

"Who's being over-protective now!" Makalov shouted laughingly.


	4. Parody 4

Adriannu255: Well, after having a rather…interesting…conversation with my mom, I was inspired by something she said to write this parody! The comment that inspired this was: (we were talking about how much we love to eat Pringles, don't ask why) "If you're interested in knowing, it's possible to fit eight Pringles in your mouth. I know because I did it! I tried for nine, but I could barely chew what I already had!" (We both burst into laughing fits lasting for several minutes… Yes, we are easily amused).

Disclaimer: Same.

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Parody 4: Pringles

"Oh, come on! You've never wondered that even the slightest?" Ranulf asked.

"No, never," Ike answered.

Ranulf looked at the Pringles container. "I'll be right back"

"Whatever," Ranulf walked in the kitchen and grabbed two containers of pizza-flavored Pringles, he opened both but only emptied one. Grabbing the container of hot sauce that said, **"Warning: this is so hot that it is considered a WMD!!!"** Ranulf smiled as he poured the sauce into the empty Pringles container and put the Pringles back in it. Carrying both containers he ate several chips in front of Ike. "Hey, Ike."

"What do you want?"

"I bet that I can eat more pizza Pringles than you."

"How much?"

"I'll let you be on top if I lose."

"You're on," Ike said as he grabbed the special Pringles container. "On your mark, get set, go!"

Ranulf started eating slowly, Ike shoved in as many Pringles as he could and swallowed. His eyes began to water he ran towards the nearby lake and jumped in.

Ranulf stood at the edge eating his Pringles. He shouted, "I'm winning!!!"

Ike leapt out of the water and ate the Pringles, however, he lost. Just then as Ranulf was leading Ike into their room to collect his winnings, Oscar walked in and asked them, "Hey, do either of you know what happened to my very special WMD hot sauce?"

Ike glared at Ranulf as he dragged him to their bedroom. "Strip now." Ranulf started to speak but Ike cut his clothes off. "On the bed now Ranulf or I'll take you on the floor. Your choice, loser. I won."

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Adriannu: This idea also came from my best friend, who apparently needs brain soap to cleanse away her evil thoughts… Review, please?


	5. Parody 5

Adriannu255: This parody was finished around two or three weeks ago, I just haven't had the time to type it until now (Finals week XD). Sorry it took so long!

This parody was inspired by Dane Cook's opinion on Monopoly. I heard the track and just had to do this.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything mentioned in this story.

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Parody #5: Monopoly

The tent was silent, silent, except for the occasional soft clatter of dice hitting a board. Kurth, Nasir, and Micaiah sat around a Monopoly board. As Kurth swept his dog across the board to…

"Pay me!" Micaiah chimed when Kurth landed on Park Place, which had _two houses_!

Kurth was silent for a long moment before he stood up and slammed a hand on the table. "Screw this game!" Nasir and Micaiah stared in wide-eyed shock. "It's four in the morning, Micaiah! YOU WIN! I'm sitting on Baltic with crack, and paying luxury tax out the ass!" He pointed at her accusingly. "And I hate when you're the banker! Where'd you get the pink fifties you cheating whore?"

Micaiah stood as well, screaming, "_WHAT_?"

"You heard me! You're a cheating _whore_!" He suddenly grabbed his dog piece. "And I should cut your head off with this little doggy!" He held it up to her face.

Micaiah leapt across the table and tackled Kurth to the floor. Nasir stared at them for a long moment before leaving to find Ike, thinking, _Perhaps he would like to join the brawl_…

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Adriannu255: Thus Ike discovered his love for fighting and joined SSBB! XD Stupid, I know, but please tell me what you think!


	6. Notice

**IMPORTANT! MUST READ!**

Alright, readers! I will be taking a reluctant break from fanfiction reading and (regrettably) writing. College has started back and I must concentrate on that. Taking four classes and working seven hours a week is going to require my undivided attention. Classes end on May 7th, so that is when I will come back to writing my stories. I know that most of them (_Altered_ in particular) have not been updated in forever and I am very sorry… Until then, have a wonderful next few months! Once again, I am extremely sorry…


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